Cleansing

My mother once told me to be careful with the pot with hot water for the pasta. She told me that one of her friends had played with it and the boiling water fell on him. The doctors had to scratch skin from his butt and paste the skin where he was burned. I was very intrigued by this. Mom couldn't answer all my questions, but she tried. I then learned not to play with things in the kitchen, specially hot water. 

"Everything hurts, and it's so much worse than before." p. 35

In class we learned to analyze the author's intention. He tries to cause a specific reaction in his audience. In the quote above I can see how he wants to inspire sadness and pity. But he did this to himself so he shouldn't complain, right? Also, if you look at the big picture he takes everything with a simpleness that surprises me. He hasn't made an attempt yet to reflect on what he did wrong. What got him there. 

The author also uses small paragraphs or loose phrases to exhibit how paused his thinking was. They usually soothed him with medicine. That could be the reason why he had very short memories. One of the fragments that interested me was: "More tearing."p. 30 It says so much while saying so little.

When you are sick you are at the mercy of the doctors and fate. (If you believe in such a thing, clearly.) That makes you a piece of clay that they need to give new shape to. "I'll have new hands." p. 30 They have to be careful cause clay can break once it's finished. It can explode in the oven or the outcome can be different than expected. As we become clay, we turn into vulnerable creatures. Ready to be molded. Isn't vulnerability the worst option?  

I Wonder How They'll Feel When I Get Expelled...

"Maybe I should play sick, but I've done that too many times this year already" p. 3
Brent, the main character in this memoir is telling us his story. The story of how he lit himself on fire. One of the opening lines is the one written above . He is instantainously letting us know that something in his life is wrong. That he doesn't have a motivation to gobto school. That's normal of a teenager but it is the tone of the phrase what sets you off. Why has he done it so many times this year?
Well, little by little we will find out.
First indicator of some kind of mental problem or deep desire to rebel: "We just like stealing." p. 11 This is his reasoning when faced with the moral question, why did you steal the supplies even if you didn't even use them?
Why? Why? Why.
Second clear prove of mental issues: (probably depression)
"I wonder why all the ways I've tried to kill myself haven't worked" p. 13
Third:
"I've got to think of a way to kill myself that I can't turn back from." p. 13

Three are more than enough!

I have had some inner controversy with this suicide topic. I don't know if it is okay to be so egocentric and kill yourself because you don't want to fight to get better, to improve things. Maybe I should see it like a right, since we can do whatever we want we our body, our life. I have thought between temper tantrums that suicide would be a good solution. But I know myself too well to know that in the moment of truth I would not be able to do it.
I don't know if it is insensitive to say that when I was reading about Brent looking at himself in the reflection of the microwave, I could only think about how ugly he looked and how that would screw up his social life. Then the other more important consequences hit me. Maybe I have a priority problem. Anyways...
"Everybody is talking, but nobody's talking to me" p. 20

First memoir ever: Agustine's Confessions

Vocabulary (Book Six) =

catechumen: is one receiving instruction from a catechist in the principles of the Christian religion with a view to baptism.

bier: A bier is a stand on which a corpse, coffin, or casket containing a corpse, is placed to lie in state or to be carried to the grave

tepid: Only slightly warm; lukewarm.Showing little enthusiasm: "tepid applause".


(Book Seven) =Stultified: Cause to lose enthusiasm and initiative, esp. as a result of a tedious or restrictive routine.Cause (someone) to appear foolish or absurd.
Plunged:Jump or dive quickly and energetically.
Fall suddenly and uncontrollably.

Marshaled: Arrange or assemble (a group of people, esp. soldiers) in order.
Guide or usher (someone) ceremoniously.

Manicheism: was one of the major Iranian Gnostic religions, originating in Sassanid

                                                                                         

 Mnemisone's Choice